Tuesday of the 4th Week of Lent
Ezekiel 47:1-9,12 | Psalm 45(46):2-3,5-6,8-9 | John 5:1-3,5-16
One man there had an illness which had lasted thirty-eight years, and when Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had been in this condition for a long time, he said, ‘Do you want to be well again?’ (John 5:5-6)
What an odd question: Do you want to be well again? Who wouldn’t?
Well, what if “being well again” meant giving up something that’s defined your life for the last 38 years–or more? What if it’s something that doesn’t cause you pain like the man in today’s Gospel, but does hurt the people around you?
What if “being well again” meant you would no longer be able to gossip, or assert your authority with harsh words, or get away with hurting others by claiming that “I’ve always been like this, can’t be helped, don’t take what I say so personally lah”?
If you were offered the “cure”, would you really want to be well again?
Because Jesus has been offering to cure us since we first knew Him.
Why are we still hesitating?
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Righteous anger has long been my Achilles heel. I’ve always hesitated when a small amount of harshness might forestall a bad situation, to the point when things get so bad that I blow my top publicly. “Sweetness and light” is pretty much my motto, but that also leaves me looking rather spineless, and so I become less effective with each passing week in uniting my choir members in harmonious song.
So why would I hesitate to accept a “cure”? Because, in the depths of my heart, I greatly fear that I would then slowly become the very person I described above, heedless of others’ feelings in my continual wielding of rapier wit and cutting remarks. It would be hell on earth for me to despise myself every single day.
Clearly, I still haven’t attained complete trust in God, that He knows what’s best for me, even if I feel His “medicine” actually makes things worse.
Perhaps that’s the cure I need from Him: the willingness to abandon myself completely to Him, not just in meaningless words, but with the totality of mind and heart.
Lord, You’ve searched my heart, and You know me. Help me truly trust that You always have the best in mind for me, even when I’m feeling besieged, alone and helpless. Help me truly trust that You’ve always been beside me, and that You will continue to accompany me till my time is through. Give me the wisdom to discern Your will, and the confidence to carry it out against all opposition. Amen.