Tuesday of Week 24 in Ordinary Time (Year II)
St. John Chrysostom, Bishop, Doctor
1 Corinthians 12:12-14,27-31 | Psalm 99:1-5 | Luke 7:11-17
Be ambitious for the higher gifts. (1 Corinthians 12:31)
There are times, in the dead of night, when the words “what if?” bubble up in my mind.
What if I’d turned down a request to take over leadership of my church choir over two decades ago – would I still be active in church today?
What if my wife and I had kids – would I have given up my freelancing freedom?
What if I’d realized my childhood ambition to join the priesthood?
That last question still haunts me, even after years of navigating a life-course that pointed roughly towards anywhere-but-God. Now that I’ve found a new confidence in talking about matters of faith, but am no longer eligible to be wed to the Church, I can’t help but wonder if I missed God’s call to serve in persona Christi.
And then the sun rises on a new day, and I get on with my daily life, but when night falls, so too does that same wistful thought.
In a way, I appreciate this tension, as it keeps the inner fire of the Spirit burning in my heart, and compels me to continue this daily journey of scriptural reflection as part of my “ambition for the higher gifts”.
Still…”what if?”