Tuesday of the 7th Week in Ordinary Time (Year II)
James 4:1-10 | Psalm 54:7-11, 23 | Mark 9:30-37
Why you don’t have what you want is because you don’t pray for it; when you do pray and don’t get it, it is because you have not prayed properly, you have prayed for something to indulge your own desires. (James 4:2-3)
Isn’t it ironic that I learned the truth of St. James’ words first-hand by trying to write this very blog entry?
I’ve been struggling for almost two hours to come up with something to post, only to realise belatedly that I’d indeed fallen prey to praying for “something to indulge my own desire” – to put both this blog and my body to bed. ? (Yes, dear reader, every daily entry you see was written the night before. I’m not the early bird my “7am” posts seem to suggest.)
Indeed, I’d forgotten that publishing this blog wasn’t the point; daily examination of the Word of God and my imperfect self was. Oh vanity of vanities! (Ecclesiastes 1:2) If I’d only humbled myself and spent time listening to the quiet inner voice of the Holy Spirit…
But perhaps that was the Spirit’s intent after all:
- to get me to sink to the point where I’d “give in to God” (James 4:7) and “clear my mind” (James 4:8),
- to “be miserable instead of laughing, gloomy instead of happy” (James 4:9) from the futility of my own efforts,
- to “humble myself before the Lord, so he would lift me up” (James 4:10), and
- to eventually open my eyes to how today’s reading neatly fits into my immediate experience.
Or in the words of a certain jaundiced cartoon character:
Lord, you examine me and know me.
The word is not even on my tongue, Lord, before you know all about it.
Where could I go to escape your spirit? Where could I flee from your presence?
It was you who created my inmost self, and put me together in my mother’s womb;
for all these mysteries I thank you: for the wonder of myself, for the wonder of your works. You know me through and through.
Lord, examine me and know my heart, probe me and know my thoughts;
make sure I do not follow pernicious ways, and guide me in the way that is everlasting. Amen. (Psalm 139:1, 4, 7, 13, 14, 23, 24)